Honesty. What does that word mean for us? Being honest with others is one thing, but are we truly being honest with ourselves? That is a question that I’ve been struggling to ask myself this month. The course that I’m taking this semester made me read one of the chapters from a book titled “Conversation with God.” The chapter is about the author Neale Donald Walsch who supposedly claims that he heard God’s voice during the low points of his life. While he was writing an angry letter to God about resenting him, he heard God’s voice and he decided to write the voices down which became the dialogue of the book.

Having no religion, it wasn’t the fact that it was about “God” that intrigued me. This book was intended for people going through struggles in life, so the reading allowed me to question myself and look through the choices that I’ve made during college.

"To accept the challenge of the unknown in spite of all fears is courage. Life does not listen to your logic. It goes on its own way, undisturbed. You have to listen to life, life will not listen to your logic. It does not bother about your logic. You have to move on. Be courageous- fearless.”

When I was little, I was a very “fearful” person. The thought of not having control scared me. The unknown and unpredictable fear of not knowing what might happen was scary. This led to me be a very “predictable” person, trying to always do the right thing. Study hard and you will have a happy life. Meet the right man and you will have a chance of changing your life. Studying is the best way to achieve your ultimate goal. As I grew up, these were the things that I was told were the “absolute truths” of life. And being the fearful person I was, I was determined to follow them. This slowly started to change this year.

This year was an emotional roller coaster for me not only in bad ways but also good. Two years ago, my uncle, whom I’d admired so much, was fighting stage-three cancer. Doctors said that he would have a maximum of three months to live. Surprisingly it was a miracle, since he was able to keep on being a professor and teaching students at his local college.

This year, however, was very frustrating and depressing for my family members since my uncle was suffering a lot, starting from losing his appetite to consistently losing weight. My uncle didn’t say it but he knew that he was suffering from cancer and he knew that his time had come to an end. When I saw him, he had a grin on his face that I’ll never remember. Being the old, conservative person he was, I expected him to tell me something I already know, such as ‘study hard,” or “work hard.” However what he really said to me was “Be happy. Find a way that makes you happy.” I was surprised.

My uncle passed away a week after my visit and his words of happiness still cling with me to this day. I constantly ask myself, how can I be happy and the true answer or step to happiness was to be myself and be honest with who I am.

When living life, we get labeled. We start to be perceived as one label which leads us to be what others think of us. Especially in Korean society, being hyper-aware of what others think about us is something that most people struggle with. However, life is unexpected and we are much more than one label. We are a number of things and we cannot be defined in one word. Rather than focusing on what others think about you, focus on how you think of yourself. How do you define yourself? What makes you happy? These simple questions about oneself can also be easily neglected. To be truly happy, you need to be yourself.

Especially in a society as we have today, our own happiness comes second and labels tend to define us. I was like that too. After attending my uncle’s funeral, however, I decided to find what makes me truly happy because that is what life is really about. If you are not happy, what else really matters? And during the process of being true to yourself, I think courage is needed.

My first grade teacher once told me that everyone is like a snowflake. We are all small and seem similar on the outside, but when looking at it closely, we are all different. What makes us unique is different. And to stay unique and one-of-a-kind, be true to who you are because that is more than enough.